What does “Progress, not perfection” mean?

Written By Lacey C Sonnier

Progress not perfection suggests that you acknowledge the progress you are making every day, even the smallest wins, rather than focusing on attaining perfection. The quote originated in Alcoholics Anonymous, but can be relevant for anyone who leans towards perfectionism. 

To break it down a bit further, according to the Cambridge Dictionary online, if something is in progress, it is happening here and now. And according to Merriam-Webster, perfection means freedom from fault or defect; flawless.

Progress seems to be about focusing on the here and now and on moment to moment events. It seems to be more about being with ourselves in a supportive way. It’s being able to accept both the moments when we achieve a small goal and the moments when we recognize there is still room for growth. 

Progress, if it were human, would say, “good job on that.” “Hey you did good today.” “You made a mistake but let’s see what we can learn from it.” “It’s ok to feel angry or sad.” “You're learning a lot, way to go.”

Perfection, on the other hand, seems to be about the distant future, the bigger picture rather than the here and now. And it centers on the idea that we have to be anything other than ourselves to be good enough. Perfection has strict rules that get triggered in any given situation because perfection is on the constant look out for things that don’t fit the idea. There is not a whole lot of room if any for normal human stuff. 

This could be feelings, mistakes, or behaviors, among other things. 

If perfection were human, it would say, “you shouldn't feel angry, ever.” “You did not handle that well, that’s unacceptable.” “You made a mistake, you are no good.” “You didn’t do that right, you're a failure.” “You are not allowed to have a bad day.” “You are not allowed to be human, you have to be perfect.” “You must do everything right to be good enough.” And the list goes on and on. 

With perfection, certain things are unacceptable, especially anything relating to being human. There is no room for error or mistakes. And you may here yourself say use should statements (examples are “I should be able to do this.” or “I shouldn’t have done that.”). These statements are unrealistic rules that we place on ourselves. 

Why is aiming for perfection a bad thing?

You can probably already see the negative effect it can have on you. But another reason is because when we set such high expectations for ourselves, the goalpost always seems to be moving. It might get higher or further away and we spend all our time reaching for it and can’t ever quite get it. Nothing seems good enough. This can be both exhausting and discouraging, which for those who have a history of substance use can lead to a return to use.

Many people struggle to believe that they are good enough as it is. Aiming for perfection is not the antidote for this. It actually does the opposite by reinforcing the belief that you are not good enough. If perfection is our goal, the bar we set for ourselves will always be out of reach which means feelings of inadequacy, failure, and the feeling of not being good enough will rise to the surface over and over. Think about it for a second, if I set the bar high for myself and am reaching hard for it, putting in a lot of effort to grasp it but miss it every time, I might think to myself, “Wow. I knew I wasn’t good enough.” 

What can you do instead? 

Move the bar to the here and now. 

Instead of focusing on doing things right all the time no matter what, in order to reach perfection, look for things that you do well throughout the day. Make these your small wins in the here and now.  Small wins could be anything.  Examples may be you were able to get through the day in a fairly decent mood, or you handled a situation well, or treated someone with kindness, or that you got most of your tasks done. I am sure you can think of other small wins. 

There will be parts of the day that may not go the way you want, if this takes up your entire focus it will likely feel bad. Just make an effort to shift back to small wins because throughout the day you will have some. 

When you focus on small wins, it helps you to feel better about yourself and your efforts.   

Practice accepting yourself, as you are.

So many of us struggle just to accept that we are human. Being able to be okay with who you are at any given moment whether you are making a mistake or achieving a goal will help you to feel more at ease. It’s ok to be human. 

An example of not accepting your humanness would be if you struggle accepting when you feel angry. You might reject your anger viewing it as unacceptable. Well, anger is a normal human emotion that can be absolutely unavoidable sometimes, but it can also provide you with helpful information. It is not a ‘bad’ emotion, from an information stand point, anger usually comes up when your boundary has been violated or in a situation where you are doing things that are out of alignment with your values, which could be good to know. Anger also motivates us to take action, I personally have achieved many goals because fiery anger was at the root of it. So in those ways anger is something I find valuable. 

Practicing acceptance means you begin practicing how you relate to yourself. If you don't get something quite right, maybe you just notice how things turned out. You might begin to say, “that’s interesting,” instead of beating yourself up about it.  You may just notice thoughts, feelings, and behaviors instead of trying to deny them or push them away. And gather data during these moments for future use. 

When you don’t allow for certain things like anger for example then in future when I do get angry because you will, not only will you feel angry but you will also feel bad about yourself. 

When you practice accepting yourself, you are making room for those moments where you struggle, feel uncomfortable, make mistakes, and feel human. You could also think of it from the viewpoint of, how would I treat a friend who was going through the same thing? Often we are more accepting of others than we are of ourselves. 

Being accepting of yourself is not always easy and does take practice. But that goes back to the small wins. Just be willing to take it one small win at a time. 

Perfection is unattainable, progress is. 

Conclusion

Focusing on progress not perfection is a more helpful way to live because your goals are smaller, more realistic, and attainable. When you are focused on being perfect your goals are both unrealistic and unattainable. Setting the bar too high can often reinforce feelings of not being good enough and inadequacy, because you constantly miss the bar you have set. The good news is, if YOU are the one that sets the bar high, then YOU can also be the one to set it lower. Lowering the bar means focusing on the small wins in the here and now and practicing self-acceptance so that you can be a happier human. 


 
Lacey C Sonnier

Hi! I am Lacey. I am just a regular person who happens to work as a mental health counselor. I’m here to share with you stories, ways to cope, or a different perspective to maybe help change the way you think.

https://laceycsonnier.com
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