Focusing too much on yourself can be bad for your mental health.

Written By Lacey C Sonnier

Focusing too much on yourself can actually be bad for your mental health. Like really bad. I am not talking about self absorption in the form of adoration. I am talking about a negative self focus. This type of focus can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts.

I experienced the drawbacks first hand while working as a mental health counselor. Part of my job entails taking responsibility for my own “stuff.” Because stuff inevitably surfaces in this occupation. But when I had undertaken my mission of personal growth, I sort of went to the extreme with it. Not only did I try and work on things that came up, I sort of became hyper focused on all the things that needed to be fixed.

My thought process was undoubtedly unrealistic, I viewed my ability to be a good counselor as dependent on whether I had resolved all my issues or not. I spent many years focused on my weaknesses. I soon learned I was very mistaken in thinking that this was the right way to go. 

Over time, it was obvious my mental health began to suffer. I would go to work and give it my all but internally I was a mess. I had reached a point in the journey where it felt like I was drowning in problems, and couldn't get my head above water. 

At that time I spoke with a mentor, an older wiser counselor. I told them what was happening. They pointed out that most people who choose to become counselors already possess natural gifts, traits, and dispositions that make them a good fit to be a counselor. That working on yourself was good but that looking for problems to fix would only lead to more problems. He said, “whatever you look for you will find.” 

Whatever you look for you will find. 

I thought for the love of goodness that is what's happening. I keep looking for problems to fix, and the problems feel never ending. 

I started looking at research. It was true there too. An older study by Mor and Winquist states that, “Overall, self-focus was associated with negative affect.” In another study by Paliwal (2019) it is stated, “The elaboration of weaknesses is hampering our subjective well being.”

While focusing exclusively on my weaknesses, I could not see the positive traits that made me a good fit for counseling. My thinking was also distorted, I thought I couldn’t possibly be a ‘good’ counselor until I had confronted all of my problems. 

After speaking with my mentor, I began to acknowledge and embrace the traits that seemed valuable in a counseling career and chose to only work on things as they came up rather than going looking for things. Because I can assure you, things will surface. 

I see this with clients too. They view themselves as a problem to be fixed, completely ignoring the parts about them that are innately valuable. They will be focused on what they think is “wrong” and struggle to see what has always been right. 

Why do some of us focus more on the negative than others? 

Focusing on the negative in a situation may serve as a survival mechanism. Some of us are more predisposed to having a more negative focus. It could also be from familial and social conditioning. If you grew up in a household where you were fussed at a lot it would make sense that you may become more habituated to view yourself from that lens rather than if you were praised and accepted. This negative focus is often referred to as a negativity bias. 

What exactly is a negativity bias?

When we habitually focus on the negative it is called a negativity bias. Norris et al. (2025) states, "Negativity bias, the cognitive tendency to prioritize negative stimuli, is commonly observed in anxiety disorders and contributes to emotional and cognitive dysregulation.”

If you have a negativity bias you assign a negative meaning to most situations, and that can feel pretty crappy especially if it is how you operate all the time. An example would be if you see someone you know and they don’t acknowledge you, you may say to yourself  “Oh they must not like me” or “I must have done something wrong.” Or you notice you respond to life differently than other people in certain situations and you automatically say to yourself , “Oh I must not be as good.” Can you think of other examples?

Other thoughts that may pop up are, “This must mean I am not good enough,” “This must mean I am a failure.” Or “This must mean I won’t be good enough until I can fix myself.” You can see how this could negatively affect a person's mood. A negative narrative and self focus seems to only lead to a negative outlook on yourself and life. 

One study reported that for some individuals a negative focus appeared to be automatic. In the study they used neuroimaging to show that certain brain regions had been altered to be more prone to a negative focus (Norris, et. al. 2025.) But the study also stated that interventions such as CBT and mindfulness could be helpful interventions to help change neural pathways. 

What can you do?

  1. Work on things when they come up. 

When it comes to working on yourself, being able to self reflect is important to improve yourself. But constant reflection on problems and weaknesses can have the opposite effect. 

I promise you don’t need to go looking for things to work on, things will come up naturally when they are supposed to. If something comes up of course reflect on it. Accept that it may be a problem, process how it is showing up in your life, take responsibility for it and see what you can do differently. Journal about it, talk to a trusted person or counselor to come up with solutions. But then move on and go back to living your life. 

You are not a problem to be fixed. We all have issues, struggles, things about ourselves that we could work on. But we also have gifts and natural qualities that make us valuable and worthwhile. 

  1. Get in touch with those parts about you that are naturally positive and valuable with mindfulness. 

We all naturally have things about us that are of value. I can tell you you have value till I am blue in the face but it won’t feel true until YOU make an effort to discover it. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but making an effort to get in touch with the positive, valuable parts of yourself is worth every effort. 

One way to do that is to go back in time. We have a data bank of memories and events that were positive that got tucked away or dismissed. Go back into your data bank and remember moments where you received positive feedback, a pat on the back, and even something as small as a look of approval. 

We are often encouraged to not look for the approval of others, but for those who have a strong negativity bias it is beneficial to get in touch with those moments because they may have been dismissed and provide valuable evidence against our negative self narrative.  

Start with one moment, close you eyes if you need, remember what happened, who was there, if it was a look of approval or positive feedback, remember it. It likely happened that in the moment you quickly dismissed the positive interaction. Now I encourage you to sit with it. Bring up the positive memory and sit with it. Try to see what that person was seeing, acknowledging the value you were bringing to that moment. 

Typically we think of uncomfortable feelings as being negative, but for some of us positive feelings can feel just as uncomfortable. It may take you a few times of going through this process but the more you do it, the more you are working to flip the switch of negativity by creating new pathways. Everything worth doing takes effort. Remember it would be easier to stay the same but is it worth it?

  1. Challenge your negative narrative. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has tons of research to prove its effectiveness. Norris et al. (2025) states that cognitive–behavioral therapy (CBT), can focus on reframing repetitive negative thoughts and building resilience.” 

Start by becoming aware of your thoughts and the story you tell yourself. Earlier I gave some examples of thoughts that sometimes pop up. If you have ever said to yourself, “I must be a failure” maybe in regard to a mistake you made, start to look for evidence against it. You might be identifying with a thought that isn’t even true, which is usually the case with all or nothing thinking and negativity bias. 

The great news is that you can begin to challenge and change these thoughts. After looking for evidence against it, you can come up with a reframe that makes more sense. For the failure thought, it doesn’t make sense that you are a failure just because you made a mistake. This is absolute thinking. It makes more sense that just because you made a mistake does not make you a failure. In fact, mistakes are usually seeping with new information and in that way you are gaining a ton even if it feels uncomfortable. 

  1. Focus on others. 

And last, focus on others. It’s hard to think of your own problems when you are focused on others. Connecting with others and socializing and help you come up for air. Studies show that altruistic behavior increases happiness (Weiss-Sidi & Riemer, 2023). 

There are options, you don’t have to stay focused on your problems. It is possible to change your focus and your life. With a little effort and determination.

Conclusion

Research shows that when you focus too much on yourself and your weaknesses it can negatively affect your mental health. Over time it can begin to seem as though all there is, is problems that need to be fixed. But this is not the whole truth. This negative focus is often referred to as a negativity bias. When you have a negative bias you ignore the positive traits that also make you you. Unfortunately, when you are always looking for a problem you will always find one. But the good news is that research also shows that interventions such as mindfulness and CBT can help to create new pathways and improve mental health. With a little effort and willingness to try, you can begin to change your focus and start living your life with a new more positive outlook rather than a negative one. 





References:

Mor, N., & Winquist, J. (2002). Self-focused attention and negative affect: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 638–662. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.638 “Overall, self-focus was associated with negative affect.”

Norris, Stephanie, Salgado, Frank, Murray, Sydnyy, Amen, Daniel, Keator, David B., The Role of Negativity Bias in Emotional and Cognitive Dysregulation: A Neuroimaging Study in Anxiety Disorders, Depression and Anxiety, 2025, 2739947, 10 pages, 2025. https://doi.org/10.1155/da/2739947 

Paliwal, S., (2019). Negativity Bias, Time Spent on Mental Processing and Subjective Well Being International Journal of Current Research and Review, http://dx.doi.org/10.31782/IJCRR.2019.11403 

Weiss-Sidi M, Riemer H. Help others-be happy? The effect of altruistic behavior on happiness across cultures. Front Psychol. 2023 Jun 23;14:1156661. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1156661. PMID: 37425146; PMCID: PMC10326385. 

 
Lacey C Sonnier

Hi! I am Lacey. I am just a regular person who happens to work as a mental health counselor. I’m here to share with you stories, ways to cope, or a different perspective to maybe help change the way you think.

https://laceycsonnier.com
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