Signs it might be time to talk to a counselor.

Written By Lacey C Sonnier

Life, nowadays, seems more challenging than ever. A lot of times we feel either alone in our struggles or that we should be able to handle things. But neither of those are necessarily true. 

Counseling is a good way to get support with what you are struggling with. Counseling is not the same as talking to a friend or family member, there is more to it than that.

What is Counseling?

Counseling is a formal way of helping others. The goal of helping in this way “is not to solve problems, but to help a person manage them more effectively,” (Egan, G. pg 5). Counseling is a team effort that can help to bring awareness to new possibilities that a person may be unable to see. 

It is typically meant to be short-term lasting for a few weeks or a few months. Though it could last longer for some, depending on the circumstances. 

Knowing when to get counseling is not always obvious. Many people may have a gut feeling telling them that they may need to talk to someone but often ignore it for as long as possible. For others, taking the step to seek out counseling is not a big deal at all and counseling becomes something truly enjoyable. 

Sometimes it can be subjective and you may feel motivated to go on your own. At other times, we may be encouraged by others to get counseling. 

We talk about mental health a lot more these days, and getting counseling has become more accepted. Still, some are hesitant to go. Even if they are really struggling. 

If you are on the fence about getting counseling I have listed here a few signs that you may benefit from seeing a counselor.  

Signs that you may benefit from counseling?

  1. You notice that you are more irritable. You feel easily agitated by people and situations and your patience seems to wear thin very easily.  

  2. You notice you have more anxiety and struggle to relax during your downtime. 

  3. You notice you are constantly worried about something and you may also have racing thoughts.

  4. You find yourself talking to anyone who will listen to your problem, maybe that’s a friend or family. But you leave the conversation not feeling much better and not much closer to a solution. 

  5. You feel depressed most of the day or most of the week and you can’t seem to shake it. 

  6. You're not sleeping well.

  7. You start to turn down invitations that you used to jump on and find yourself wanting to spend more time alone.

  8. You have a mountain of coping skills but you recognize you are not using them because you feel too stuck in the struggle. 

  9. You notice your use of substances has increased. Your occasional glass of wine turns into an every-night fix. 

  10. Fighting more with a spouse, partner, or close friends. 

  11. Struggling with intrusive or harsh thoughts towards yourself or others. These could include thoughts of harming yourself or others. 

  12. Entertaining the thought of seeing a counselor may be a good indication that it is time to see a counselor. 

If you are feeling suicidal you can dial 988 to connect to the free suicide crisis line to speak with someone 24 hours a day. 

Psychology Today is an awesome resource for finding a therapist in your area (this is not a paid endorsement). You can use the filter option to narrow down your search based on the type of issue you are having, insurance carrier, etc. 

If you notice any number of these signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong with you. It could just mean that you have run into a transitional period in your life and may be having trouble sorting through your experience on your own. With a little help from a therapist or counselor, you may be able to navigate the transition a little smoother. 

How can counseling be beneficial. 

Counseling can be beneficial in many ways. First, you get to talk. 

Don’t underestimate the benefits of being able to verbalize your thoughts, feelings, and what your experience is like for you in your own words to someone who is actually listening. This is a big part of the process and is beneficial in two ways. Feeling heard feels good. But also, even if you see a therapist one time, which I hope isn’t the case, chances are you will be given an opportunity to share your story. 

When you can verbalize your thoughts and experiences, it gives your brain a chance to process it differently. It is like having a filing cabinet and all of your files are jammed in there in no particular order. After you verbalize what you are experiencing and you hear yourself tell your story, your brain can take the information and refile it in a more organized way.  Whether you believe it was helpful or not, you will be walking away with a slightly new understanding of your problem.

When you are allowed to share your thoughts and feelings freely you may also have thoughts like, “Wait, that isn’t right,” or “Hmm, I don’t know if that is necessarily true for me anymore” or “Wow, I wasn’t even aware that I felt that way.”

It’s good to hear yourself talk and when a counselor listens actively and empathetically, it helps you to feel truly heard.

When you speak to a trusted friend or family member they may sympathize with you but sympathy doesn’t always feel good or help. Sympathy is feeling sorrow for what another is experiencing and this can often lead people to feel pitied for their problems. Family and friends may also want to save the person, and offer solution after solution though to the person sharing every solution feels even less helpful than the last. Because what is really needed is deep listening. 

When a counselor listens actively and empathetically to a client's story they are entering the client’s world (as much as they can at least) to understand deeply in a nonjudgmental way. Trying to understand a person’s experience and what their struggle must be like is quite different from feeling sorrow for a person. Carl Rogers talked about empathic listening as “an unappreciated way of being” (p. 137). Empathy is being with the client in their inner world and sympathy is standing on the outside comfortably detached. 

When you are allowed to share your story and someone holds space for it, it gives you space to sort through it while being supported. 

Another beneficial part of counseling the process of normalizing. As I had mentioned earlier, we often feel alone in our struggles. We also dismiss how we are feeling and tell ourselves we shouldn’t be feeling the way we are or that we should just be able to handle it. But usually none of that is true, and it only makes matters worse when we tell ourselves that. 

You are not alone in your struggles, there are people out there who are trained to and want to help. If you are someone that doesn’t want to ‘burden’ others with your problems, think about this, counselors and therapists go to school and want you to burden them, because it is actually not a burden to us.  

If you are someone who dismisses their feelings often, the bad news is those feelings rarely stay gone. They will continue to surface, and sometimes the harder you push them down, the harder they will come back. When you tell yourself you shouldn’t be feeling a certain way or that you should be able to handle things, my question to you is, how do you know that? What has led you to believe that? Because more often than not, people who are telling themselves that when they are in a situation that they have never in their life been in before and are placing unrealistic expectations on themselves. 

We often cannot predict how we will handle certain situations or what feelings will come to the surface during those events. And trying to talk ourselves out of our experience doesn’t often work. Having a compassionate listener can help to normalize what you are experiencing and provide some relief. 

Conclusion

It’s not always easy to know when to seek counseling. Many of us dismiss signs that we may benefit from seeking help. Being able to recognize signs may make it easier to take the next step. And it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong with you, it could just mean you are experiencing a transition and need support while you navigate through it. A counselor can hold space empathetically allowing you to sort through your struggle and navigate effectively. Counseling can also help you to view your struggles from a different vantage point and possibly see solutions that you could not see before. 

Reference: 

Jones-Smith, E. (2016). Counseling and Psychotherapy: An Integrative Approach. (2, 7). Sage. 

Rogers, C. R. (1980). A way of being. Boston: Houghton Mifflin. 

Egan, G. (2007). The Skilled Helper: A problem management and opportunity-development approach to helping. Thomson Brooks/Cole.

 
Lacey C Sonnier

Hi! I am Lacey. I am just a regular person who happens to work as a mental health counselor. I’m here to share with you stories, ways to cope, or a different perspective to maybe help change the way you think.

https://laceycsonnier.com
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