Mental health is like physical health.

They call it physical health and mental and emotional health. To maintain and improve your physical health it requires effort. 

There are a lot of task oriented things that you have to do, like going to the gym and exercising, lifting weights, taking supplements, drinking water etc. To see results your effort has to be pretty consistent, often done daily if not weekly. 

This may seem pretty obvious but it is the same with mental and emotional health. If you want things to change or to grow stronger in this area you have to be willing to put consistent effort into it. 

What seems to be more common is for clients to put in very little effort at all if any while maintaining the desire for change. Clients will often come in and when I ask them directly, “hey, what did you do in the last week for your mental health?” Often the answer is nothing.

It is not surprising, though, because it takes effort and it can be uncomfortable. Just like physical exercise. But you can’t lose weight or get in shape by laying on the couch all day. 

Just like physical health results can only be seen when you keep at it for a while. Once you begin to see results it will make it easier to put things into practice in the future. 

I believe in counseling, but most of the work has to be done by you outside of the counseling session. Your counselor cannot go with you everywhere you go. 

What kinds of things can you do?

Of course some therapeutic modalities are done in session with a therapist such as EMDR, Hypnotherapy, Brainspotting, but there are many other things that can be done outside of session. 

It might be a good first step to reflect on what you have done and to acknowledge if you are doing anything at all for your mental and emotional health. 

If you recognize you aren’t then figure out things that work best for you. You can journal, meditate, take a time out, exercise, begin to identify and reframe your thoughts, talk to a friend, dance, go for a walk, go out in nature, paint, draw, use techniques like the emotional freedom technique. There are tons of things you can do.

All of these things are helpful in some way. One of the exercises that I use in session and out is to be able to recognize what you are telling yourself. When we feel stressed, sad, angry , or depressed, we are often telling ourselves things that are not true. Imagine that, we have all these thoughts and beliefs swirling around in our head that guide our behavior and most of them are not true, but we never question them.

Being able to identify what we have going on in our head and being able to look at the facts and evaluate if it is true can be a real game changer, especially if you are someone who tends to catastrophize, take things personally, or feel big emotions. Usually there is a distorted thought behind those moments. 

I will give you an idea of some of the distorted thoughts that have popped up for myself and my clients. 

“I’m not good enough.”

“If I make a mistake it means I am a failure.”

“They should…, He should…, She should…”

“I should be doing more.”

“I am not doing enough.”

“I can’t do this.”

“I am a failure.”

“I am no good.”

“I didn’t do_____,therefore I am a bad mother, friend, person.”

“I did____, therefore I am a terrible person.”

“I am no good.”

“People always misunderstand me.”

“No one likes me.”

“I’m not built for this world.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

To briefly describe why these are distorted, should statements are unrealistic rules that wee place on ourselves and others. Some of the statements are extreme, such as if I make a mistake it means I am a failure. A statement like “people always misunderstand me,” is an absolute, there are usually expectations and people don’t misunderstand you 100% of the time. 

None of those statements are true and have a very narrow focus. The goal is to identify them and begin to zoom out. Look for evidence against them because there usually is and reframe them to a truer statement. 

This tool is something that can come into play pretty often. The emotional freedom technique is another good one that is part cognitive part emotional. I won’t go into how to do that here but if you are interested you can check out The tapping solution. 

Conclusion

Mental health is a lot like physical health. You can’t do nothing and expect things to get better. You have to be willing to put effort into finding techniques and coping skills that will help you outside of the counseling session. You may want to do a self check in and really reflect on what you do on a regular basis to improve your mental health. If you can admit that you are not putting in much effort, maybe figure out a routine or a few go to techniques that you can use regularly to strengthen your mental and emotional health. Once you feel the results, it will make it easier to put the effort in in the future.